


take the long way home, i don't want to be left alone tonight

by sevvoonie (neonstyxx)



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, but still angst, dont be alarmed, major character death is tagged bc people has to be dead to be able to haunt, well a shitty excuse of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-04-25 20:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14386179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonstyxx/pseuds/sevvoonie
Summary: Minhyun is dead, has been for a while now, actually. Seongwu is still learning how to let go. Minhyun visits every year. Seongwu should learn how to let go.





	take the long way home, i don't want to be left alone tonight

**Author's Note:**

> based on the coco inspired prompt! originally the prompt said that Seongwu moves on and the memories of Minhyun fades, but i decided to write about what makes Seongwu moves on. I'm so sorry if I butchered your prompt!

One picture. Framed, moved from its usual place on Seongwu’s bedside table. His nimble fingers put the picture on the low table, a makeshift altar.

Two shot glasses. Both filled but stays on the floor in front of the altar. Seongwu smiles bitterly as he pours into the second glass. He never liked alcohol, even from beyond the grave.

Three flowers. Not roses. Clichés are not their thing and Seongwu could already hear the ring of a familiar laugh if he ever tries to do anything remotely romantic.

Four candles. Experienced fingers light them all one by one, warm hazy lights surrounding the picture. Seongwu eyes the flickering lights. He always loved the way they dance on the candle. How soft it looks, how it unpredictably moves. He is reminded of a certain someone. Someone who used to fill his heart with warmth like the little flickers of fire.

Seongwu lights the last candle. “Come home, Minhyunnie.”

The room is vacant from any fluorescent lights, saves for the ones creeping in from the streetlights outside. Seongwu’s eyes drifts to the open window, the up and down movement of the curtain catching his attention. Maybe he would come in a wisp of smoke from outside?

“You know I’m not gonna come in like Casper.”

The familiar voice startles Seongwu, coming from behind him rather than from the window like he had expected. He turned around and flashes is michevious smile. Seongwu will never get tired of this. “Can’t you try? It will look super cool you know.” He laughs, no matter how many times he had done this, he always got washed by the sheer disbelief of having his lover standing in front of him again. He shakes his head and stands up. “I could even get it on tape, we could sell it as a new TV Series. How do you like My Ghost Boyfriend and Me?”

Minhyun laughs at that, striding to close the space between them. Seongwu meets him halfway, like he always does with everything they do. They both fell into each other’s arms, into a hug that isn’t meant to exist anymore. But only today. Today is special, afterall. “Miss me, Seong?”

“Understatement of the century.” Seongwu huffs, burrying his face in the older man’s shoulder. Can he even still call Minhyun that? He has been older than Minhyun for the past two years. “You know there is not a day that I don’t miss you.”

Minhyun rubs soothing circles on his boyfriend’s back. “Stop that, you’re exaggerating again.” His hand shoots up to caress Seongwu’s soft locks of brown hair. Minhyun notices how the black roots of his hair have shown between the warm brown. Endearing.

“I’m not, Minhyunnie.” Seongwu pulls back to look at Minhyun properly. To take in all the properties of his face into memory, so he won’t forget. The sharp fox eyes. The fluffy bangs. The angled face. Perky lips. Seongwu wants to keep it all with him forever. But he doesn’t have forever, only one day. Today is special after all. “I miss you every day. I mean it.”

Minhyun can’t help but notice the details of Seongwu’s face in this close proximity. How the eyes that he used to adore so much for being vibrant, is now quivering with hopelessness in them. How the mochi cheeks he loved to pinch so much has molded into the prominent bone structure of Seongwu’s face. How the perfectly styled hair is left messy, like how Minhyun would like it. Like how Minhyun would leave it after they spent a whole afternoon just cuddling.

Minhyun can’t help but notice how the age has settled into Seongwu’s body. How Seongwu is not the twenty-two years old man that he used to hold hands with in the train station. His hand shots up and caresses Seongwu’s cheek aimlessly. Stubbles are present there. Minhyun hates them on Seongwu.

Minhyun’s face, on the other hand, is free of any stubbles. Or anything that could tell everyone that he is just another human being that couldn’t escape time’s grasp. Time used to caress his chin and gives him stubbles to tell him that it has been three days since you shaved, Minhyun. Time used to leave kisses the corner of his eyes and there are crinkles present to tell him that you’re growing older, Minhyun. Time held his hand and the roughness of it tells him that he has worked hard for quite some time now, Minhyun.

Now he is just stuck in that perpetual state of being, untouched by time, unmoved by the universe.

“Seongwu-yah, stop missing me.” Minhyun says softly, almost like the words were carried out by the wind that flew into the room. “Live your life, Seong. Stop waiting for me.” He bites his lip after saying that.

Seongwu leans into the hand on his cheek. It is void from all the warmth it used to emit. The warmth that used to follow Minhyun around and has taken residence in Seongwu’s chest. It feels just like leaning into nothing. The realization made the man smile bitterly. Isn’t all he is doing is pretending that he has something instead of nothing?

His hand finds Minhyun’s hand, gently peeling it away from his face. Their fingers lock together perfectly, a practiced move that is meant to be.

“Why would you say that.” Seongwu’s anwser is a whisper of a statement, eyes locked on their intertwined fingers. He noticed that when he squints, Minhyun looks a little less opaque. “Why would you ask me to do such thing.”

Minhyun bit his lip, seeing Seongwu sad is always his weakness. Isn’t that why he tries everything to come back? Ever since his body was buried six feet under, and his soul pulled into another realm as he screams and shouts for Seongwu who was crouching in front of his tombstone with dried tear tracks? Isn’t all that he ever wanted was to come back to his beloved Ong Seongwu?

And yet here he is. Hwang Minhyun is begging for Ong Seongwu to forget him.

“Minhyunnie,” Seongwu’s voice cracks. “You do know what happens if I forget, right?” He looks up quickly, eyes watery and filled with sorrow. Minhyun wants to kiss it all away.

“I know, Seong.” He whispers. He wants to pull Seongwu into a hug again. He wants to kiss him senseless to tell him that Seongwu and Minhyun belongs together. Always. In any dimension. In every timeline. How selfish of him to think of such thing.

Hwang Minhyun is a lot of things, but not selfish.

“Leave me, Seongwu.” He says, finality in his words. By then the unshed tears in Seongwu’s eyes has made their way down his cheeks. Seongwu shot up a surprised look, hurt blatant in his face.

“You- I can’t, no, I won’t. Shit. Minhyun—“ he takes a sharp breath, and tears his hand away from his boyfriend —his _dead_ boyfriend. His shocked face is now filled with rage as Minhyun stands there dumbfounded. The intensity of Seongwu’s glare makes Minhyun wants to disappear. He doesn’t think he deserves a love as fierce and pure as Seongwu’s. Seongwu puts his heart on his sleeve for Minhyun, despite having so much difficulties getting in touch with his emotions. Seongwu goes down to the gym with Minhyun, despite hating excercises. Seongwu silently passes cauliflowers onto Minhyun’s plate because he knows Minhyun enjoys them.

Seongwu keeps his heart only for Minhyun, even after his death.

“Seongwu, you know this is not healthy.” Minhyun tries again, softly this time. “I’m literally a dead man.”

“I love that dead man.” Seongwu’s tears are everywhere as he answers in one silent croak of voice, his whole-body trembling. “I know this is bad, and I’m stupid. I know, Minhyunnie. But can we just have tonight for ourselves? I’ll think about what you said.” He takes a big breath and wipes all his tears away, trying to give his biggest smile instead. “But tonight, I just want to be with you, Hwang Minhyun. Can you give me that?”

Minhyun wonders if this is another one of Seongwu’s tricks like the one where he wears jackets every day for a week to hide the fact that he is wearing the same shirt every day because he hasn’t been doing his laundry. He wonders what makes him drop the conversation and follow Seongwu into the kitchen, where they would have dinner together as Seongwu tells him about life and Minhyun talks about Seongwu’s dead relatives that has some messages for him.

This year Seongwu has jokbal prepared. Minhyun smiles as he pulled out the chair opposite of Seongwu. “I didn’t know you can cook these.” He says as Seongwu pulls his seat forward. The other man laughs at the sentence.

“I can’t. This is takeaways, obviously.” He took a bite of one. “Still stupid in the kitchen.”

Minhyun laughs, reminding himself of all the times Seongwu would mess up the kitchen trying to make something more difficult than instant ramen. He wonders if Seongwu has learned to cook something other than instant ramen and Minhyun’s easy pasta recipe.

(It wasn’t so easy for Seongwu, apparently. The first time he cooked it, the pasta was half way done and the sauce had more water than anything else in it. He blamed it on unclear instructions and Minhyun protests because “what part of boil the pasta for exactly 6 minutes is unclear to you?”)

“Still my Ongcheongie.” Minhyun says, almost absent-mindedly. Seongwu looks up from his food, almost startled by the sudden mention of his nickname. A fond smile creeps into Seongwu’s face as he sees Minhyun looking at him like that.

“Only for my Hwangcheongie.” Seongwu answers, putting his spoon down. “And don’t look at me like that.”

Minhyun scrunches his eyebrows. “Like what?”

“Like I’m something worth loving.” He says, calmly. As if he just said something about the weather. Minhyun waits, folding his arms on the table and leans forward. He always loved Seongwu’s words, always saying that he could be a poet if he wants to. Seongwu would laugh and shakes his head every time Minhyun says this thought out loud.

Seongwu’s eyes never leaves Minhyun’s. He takes a breath before continuing.

“You look at me like that, when you thought that I won’t look.” He starts, pointing a finger at Minhyun. “But don’t think I don’t know, Hwang. I know all your games.”

Minhyun just laugh at the accusation, so Seongwu continues.

“You look at me like I am something more than what I am. Like I personally light up the sun ever day or hang the moon up every night. You look at me like I’m not human or something. Or so that’s what I thought at first.” There is a dramatic pause put into here and Minhyun is happy to find that Seongwu still has a thing for extra flare. “Somehow, the adoration in your eyes is humanizing. Like you’ve pieced together all my parts and you’ve found the true Ong Seongwu. You see me as who I am and yet all the pesky, ugly, no good details don’t go unnoticed as you look at me like that. Like I’m something worth loving.”

A breeze of wind blows into the small apartment, as if emphasizing the now apparent silence as Seongwu digs into his food again.

“Because you are.” Minhyun says in a small voice.

Seongwu snorts, rather unattractively too. He takes a big gulp of his drink before responding.

“If I am, why would you ask me to forget you?” He says, and Minhyun would be lying if he doesn’t see it coming.

“It’s unhealthy, Seong.” He states, rather diplomatically. Seongwu laughs mockingly at that.

“Then why don’t you just stop coming?” he fires back. Minhyun froze at the question, making Seongwu smirk triumphantly. “No, I know why. You don’t want to be the one to hurt me. You’d rather have me make the choice and hurt myself, didn’t you?  I know all your games, Hwang.”

Minhyun looks at Seongwu, searching for the reason why Seongwu turned so pessimistic and bitter like that. Probably his death. He wants to laugh at himself when he realized that. “Not all my games, Ongcheongie.” He says.

“I’d rather have you make the choice, yes. Because I don’t want to make you feel like you’ve been stood up. Because I know waiting in uncertainty sucks. I’d rather have you not light up candles and all, rather than have you doing all that and wait for me but I didn’t come.”

Seongwu doesn’t want to lie, but to everyone else he would say that he looks away in disbelief and not because he is batting away tears.

“I don’t want you to feel like your efforts are useless, Seongwu. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t appreciate your efforts.” Minhyun continues, tilting his head to catch Seongwu’s eyes.

“Stop that.” Seongwu bites, rubbing his eyes. “Stop making me cry right in front of my jokbal.”

MInhyun chuckles at the light bite Seongwu made. “I wouldn’t have done that if I could eat it.”

Seongwu laughs, and he finishes his meals without any other notable breakdowns.

-

“Do you remember Guanlin?” Seongwu asks, one arm curled around Minhyun’s waist as they settled in their couch. The TV is on but there is only static. Somehow, that always happens every time Minhyun visits. Seongwu blames him for missing his favourite variety show.

“Mmm?” Minhyun’s eyes are closed and his head is resting on Seongwu’s shoulder. “The boy you met at group counselling? The tall lanky kid?”

Seongwu laughs and nods. A year after Minhyun’s death, Jaehwan and Daniel had signed him up for a group counselling after letting Seongwu mope around and giving words of encouragement doesn’t work. It was then when he met a boy who has a weird accent to his tongue, talking shyly about his late step-brother. They bonded over stupid jokes and the mutual understanding of losing someone they love. Somehow, it’s more settling to talk about missing Minhyun with someone who actually goes through the same thing.

“He’s doing better now.” Seongwu said, “He no longer wear his brother’s perfume, and he smiles more too. I used to catch him cry alone after the group session so this is kinda big I guess?”

Minhyun nods thoughtfully at the words. “I’ve met Jihoon. He’s genuinely worried about Guanlin, you know. He looks over Guanlin and yells every time he puts on that perfume. Said that Guanlin should’ve thrown away all his stuff.” He laughed a little, remembering the feisty young man complaining to him about his step-brother. “He was so mad at Guanlin for getting so hung up over him, he doesn’t realize that he is also still so hung up over Guanlin.”

Seongwu listens closely as Minhyun continues, hands threading through the soft black hair and mind wondering if the dead cries over the living just as much.

“Everyday Jihoon would follow Guanlin around, getting frustrated when Guanlin doesn’t look both ways when crossing the street or when he pushes his carrots to the side of the plate. He would get mad at the store clerk who raised her eyebrow at Guanlin’s pronounciation, and curse the bus that left five seconds before Guanlin got to the bus stop.” Minhyun smiled fondly. “He tells me this every single day, and one day I ask him if he’s also having troubles letting Guanlin go.”

“Do you?” Seongwu asks.

“Obviously, since he still dotes on Guanlin so much.” Minhyun answers easily. Seongwu laughed.

The sound of his laughter made Minhyun confused. He sat up to look at Seongwu, who is still leaning back on their couch with a smile. That’s the saddest smile Minhyun has seen tonight. “What’s so funny?”

Seongwu still has his smile when he sat upright, taking Minhyun’s hand as he stares right into his eyes. “I asked you, not Jihoon.” Seongwu said slowly, barely audible. “Are _you_ still hung up over me?”

The intensity of Seongwu’s gaze makes Minhyun wants to melt away. He knows that Seongwu knows the answer, and it is just a matter of hearing it. But saying it would make it harder for them to leave each other, wouldn’t it?

Minhyun decides to just wing it.

“I am.” He says, swallowing whatever words that wanted to spill out afterwards. Something along the lines of _I cannot leave you alone, I miss you too much._

Seongwu’s smile goes wider before he cups Minhyun’s face and kissed the tip of his nose. The gesture is brief, and the innocence of it makes Minhyun’s heart flutter. “I know, I just want to hear that.”

“I follow you around too.” Minhyun blurts out. “I know you bought a new coat, and I know that phone call from your mother makes you upset but from what I heard I don’t think you did anything wrong.”

Seongwu barks out a laughter at Minhyun’s candid statement, making Minhyun smile.

“And you suck at picking avocados, the one you choose is always too ripe.” He continues. “And your new professor sucks, he’s so old I mistaken him for a spirit.”

Seongwu’s laugh dies down as he answers. “God, I love that.”

“What? Me mistaking your professor as dead?”

“No,” Seongwu said. “your responses. It’s like you’re still here and you’re nagging me at the end of the day.”

Minhyun knows that he should probably say something like _but I’m not_ or something else to discourage Seongwu. Against his better judgement, he said “but I am here.”

To that, Seongwu’s face turns sad. “You won’t be here tomorrow.” He said.

“I’m always looking out for you.”

“Same as I’m always waiting for you.”

The room fell into silence. The candles in the altar flickers, and Seongwu pretends he doesn’t see how Minhyun flickered along with it.

“God, Minhyunnie.” He said. “Aren’t we pathetic.”

Minhyun couldn’t agree more.

-

It always ends like this.

They chat until Seongwu can’t keep his eyes opened anymore, insisting that he is not sleepy and they should talk more.

Minhyun would smile fondly and pretends he doesn’t see how Seongwu is literally falling asleep every five minutes.

This year, Minhyun decides at 02.35 that Seongwu is too tired to continue talking like a sane person. With ease, he scoops up Seongwu into his arms and carry him into the bedroom. Seongwu whines about how he is so skinny a ghost could lift him. Minhyun reminds him how they used to go to the gym together and Minhyun was actually exercising while Seongwu plays Pokemon Go. Seongwu whines even more.

Minhyun puts Seongwu down on their bed slowly, and Seongwu refuses to let go the loop he has around Minhyun’s neck.

_Stay, Minhyunnie, stay._

So Minhyun stays, fingers caressing the mop of dark hair. He knows how Seongwu loves the way he plays with his hair. Seongwu whines and slaps his hand away, stating that he would fall asleep faster if Minhyun doesn’t stop. Minhyun chuckled and kissed the space between the scrunched eyebrows.

“You should rest, Seongwu. I had a great night.” He said softly, still hovering above sleepy Seongwu.

“That sounds like what you said after our first date.” Seongwu mumbles.

Minhyun chuckles at that. “Because today feels like a date and every date with you feels like the first one.”

Seongwu hums and rubs his eyes. “Cheesy, but cute. You should try again, that one doesn’t even sound honest.”

“Why are you so demanding, I’m trying to say goodbye, you prick.” Minhyun rolls his eyes.

Seongwu stops rubbing his eyes, peeking at Minhyun with only one eye open. “Because this should be our last goodbye. I don’t want it to be so cliché, I mean I’m gonna remember this forever.”

Minhyun froze at the words, but quickly regains his composure. After all, isn’t this what he asked for? “Do you want to write the lines and practice it first then, Mr. Drama King?”

Seongwu taps on his chin as if he is actually considering that. “That would take too long. Just say the good bye now please, and make it not cheesy.” He finally settles.

Minhyun sighs. He ponders for a little bit, thinking about what he should say. “Okay um, good night Seongwu-yah.” He started. “I don’t want to say goodbye but I guess this is goodbye. Sleep tight every night, don’t forget that you are loved, and stop leaving your shoes everywhere.”

“I’ll leave my shoes anywhere I want since I’m the only one alive in this place.” He chips back, making Minhyun groan. “And don’t nag me when you’re gonna leave me forever, asshole.”

“I’m just saying that there is no harm in keeping the place tidy.” Minhyun explains. “Anyways. Goodbye, Ong Seongwu. Beautiful Ong Seongwu. Care-free and lovable Seongwu. Seongwu who could probably have his pick of anyone in the city but somehow chose me and has never stopped choosing me ever since. I’m so happy that I’ve had the time to love you, even if it was just a brief moment.” Minhyun closes his eyes and tries to blinks his tears away. “I’m sorry I couldn’t show you how much you deserve all the love there is in this world anymore.” He fails.

“Minhyunnie is crying.” Seongwu states, hand already on Minhyun’s cheek and wiping the tears away. “Don’t cry, don’t worry about me.”

“I don’t.” Minhyun says, sniffling. “I’m worried about myself.”

“Don’t.” Seongwu says softly. “You’ll be fine. You’re good at being dead.”

Minhyun laughed.

“Minhyunnie, my Minhyunnie. When will you realize that you’ve done so much for everyone around you, especially me?” Seongwu says, hand still caressing Minhyun’s cheek. “That’s why they wanted you back so early. You’ve probably done all the good there is to be done in seventy years.” He sniffles, wondering when did he start crying too.

“Goodnight, Minhyunnie. See you soon.” Seongwu laughed between his tears. “Wait, I mean see you not soon. Preferably after fifty something years. Hey, would you still love me when I’m an old bitter Grandpa?”

Minhyun smiles. “Only if you still have this weird sense of humor.” He laughed. “Seriously? In the middle of our goodbyes?”

“I just wanna light up the mood.”

“Seong, I’m literally on the brink of death.” Minhyun deadpans. “Like, for real now.”

“I know, not my best timing.”

They both laughed out loud at that, before their eyes fall on each other’s again in that warm, hazy vibe they seem to have when they’re together. Almost simultaneously, they both leaned in for a kiss. Their lips touched, innocent and sweet. it doesn’t last long, almost like a quick peck Seongwu gets when he is already running late for work but he hadn’t kissed Minhyun yet.

They bid their last farewell as Seongwu falls asleep, candles burning out and signalling Minhyun to go.

-

The next morning, Seongwu wakes up to an empty bed like how he is used to for the past couple years. He smiles bitterly as he remembers their last conversation. Slowly, he made his way out of bed, silently padding through their apartment— _his_ apartment. He is alone in it now and he will always be— to clean up his makeshift altar. Outside, the sun is shining softly from behind an array of cloud. There are no birds singing or cicadas wailing. Seongwu smiles to himself. Just another normal morning. He has grown accustomed to the silence, but now he has to get used to not expecting a book to randomly fall when he was looking for it, or his coat falling from the hook right when he decides that it is not too cold outside yet. His fingers pick up the framed picture, and he puts it back to his bedside table. A picture of Minhyun, laughing so vibrantly Seongwu could hear it.

He wonders how long it would take for him to forget the sound of Minhyun’s laugh.

He wonders how long it would take before Minhyun is finally dead.

**Author's Note:**

> don’t kill me  
> [edit]  
> thank you for all the nice comments!! it pains me that i cant reply to your lovely words (although some of you might alrd know who i am hEY SCREAM AT ME ON TWT THEN) anyways, thanks a bunch for all the positive responses!!  
> [edit 2]  
> come yell at me on twt im @lemongnade


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